Can't get those thoughts out of my head

[Asher]

Hello everyone,

I am a frequent visitor of this forum and I find it really a good place to speak my mind. This is my second post here. The first one was in the introduction section. I only like to read the forum, but I needed to get this out of my system and this is the best place for it. I have been having many thoughts since the summer started and they aren't very pleasant.

I know I am very young but I started thinking about what career path to choose and where to study. My dream is to go to university in United Kingdom and study in the fields of medicine, pharmacy or something concerning medicine. But when I imagine myself being there, far away from home and alone, unable to speak clearly and also using non-native language scares the hell out of me.

So I am having doubts. One day I am sure that I am going to do it. Other day I am thinking about other options because I do not believe in myself. This is very tiring because I like to know things very early. I want to know what to expect from my future. But with stuttering this is almost impossible to do.

And the worst thing is I have noone who understands this. My parents believe that I am going to be very successful because of my grades which are always good. One day I believed it myself. Now I understand that not only grades matter, but personality and other aspects which are not so bright in me. I looked up the requirements for students who apply to those fields. work, volunteering, extracurriculars through the high school... I have none of those. I live a sheltered life, I do not go out much or do things outside. Pharmacy and medicine schools are very competitive. People who apply there have all the grades that I have but they also have lives outside of their room. They participate, volunteer.. I know that I am the one to blame for not having this experience. But even if I wanted to do some of that stuff... In Lithuania med schools look only to exams and grades. Noone pays attention to this stuff and I can't do it. It isn't common here.
The fields that I like require explicit knowlegde of how to get a point across in very different situations and I believe that I am not capable of doing that.
It would be so easier for me if I hadn't put high expectations of myself. It is very hard to understand that you are not so talented and able to do things as you thought you could.
So my parents don't understand why I have doubts about going to pursue my dreams. They think the stutter disappears. And I am tired explaining them about it.
And my friends really aren't such friends who could listen and offer support. They are all acquaintances but not friends.

So I spent the last month thinking about all of this. I even started to look into other fields but they don't excite me as much. And when I am caught between things that I would like to do and things that I can do, I no longer know what I can pursue.

There are so much more stuff in my head now but I can't put them into words. At least I spilled this part out somewhere.

If I gather my thoughts later maybe I'll write more.

Asher

[nerrad]

I can relate with you. I want to be a genetic engineer but I think, "How in the hell am I going to even make it through college with all the presentations". I've already got my back up plan as a draftsman but that doesnt pay as much as being a genetic engineer. I figure I'll just let things happen naturally. What else can I do?

[Penelope]

It's normal to worry about how things will pan out in the future, and I admire you greatly for having such ambition and a desire to travel to study. That will get you far.

You appear to have excellent English, and based on what you have written, I'd guess it is better than many native speakers. Have faith in your abilities.

If you want to study medicine or pharmacy in the UK, you should apply for it. If you think you need more non-classroom experience before you go, it's better to take a year out and do some travelling or get some work experience than to settle for second best. It will be good for you to put yourself into some challenging situations. I'm sure you will succeed, but it will be helpful for you to prove to yourself that you are capable of these things.

[ForeverYoung]

Personally, to add something to the "totally unique to each stutterer" handbook, I've never had an issue relating choosing my career or worrying about going through with it.

Yes, my major is Computer Science and that may seem like an anti-social carer, but its not. Already I have spent most of my major projects working in groups, and one of my upcoming classes is based around class wide collaboration.

For me, it was always about what I truly wanted to do. I just never put stuttering first, it was "I like doing this" and the worries came second. Of course, it sucks when I have a good idea and I stutter it out or I am not what I want to be during a group assignment, but I get over it because I love the work.

I want to become something like a consultant, or at least a freelance worker, so I'm not even thinking about backing into a comfort zone.

If anything, thinking about it makes me work harder, because I know any doubts about my speech can be ignored by potential co-workers If I prove I know what I am talking about. So I just always make sure I know what I am talking about and be sure to learn the material as well as anyone else.

[nik037]

I will tell you...Pharmacy is THE best choice you can make. My fiance is a Pharmacist and he makes incredible $$ and there is always a need for Pharmacist...He does have to talk a bit in his job but I have met two Pharmacist that stuttered taking a speech class and if they can do it YOU CAN TOO!! PLEASE DO NOT let this handicap choose your life for you. Pharmacy, or anything medical is a GREAT GREAT Career choice!!! DO IT!!! I have my MBA in Marketing and have yet to find a good job. Blame it on my stutter, the shitty economic situation, or anything else...but I haven't heard of anyone in the med field having a prb finding a job. GOOD LUCK AND STAY POSITIVE. You are just as able as anyone one else and you deserve to make the best out of yourself!!!!!!!!!!!

[Asher]

Thank you everyone for your encouragement. You all have been very helpful.

There's 3 years until I have to make that choice so I will give it a lot of thought but I think that I will try. First I thought about studying pharmacy in Lithuania but pharmacists and doctors here are absolutely non-respected. They work long hours and get have very low earnings. General practitioner gets somewhere around 4000 litas (it is like 3,48 litas for 1 euro) so not much.
Pharmacists are totally non-existant. They work for monopolistic companies which treat them badly because they know they have nowhere to go. And ordinary lithuanians thinh of pharmacists like cashiers with no education.

So all that nonsense drives me away from career in Lithuania.

I know that applying to pharmacy/med schools require interview. If I prepare well and write about my situation in personal statement which is also required, they will ask about it in the interview and I could explain everything to them. Maybe they won't be cold-hearted s

And about taking a year off and travelling... I don't know.
My hope right now is that everything there is not how I think it is: everyone is perfect with loads of good stuff and I'm the only one who lacks experience and skills.
My mind tells me that it's impossible for everyone to be better than me, but somehow those ideas reappear to me.