My Fears for the Future

[Season]

Hello,

My name is Nick - i'm 17.

I suffer from a "severe level of stammering" according to a recent series of tests I took at one of the UK's top orginisations for stuttering.

It said that not only do I stutter very frequently but I also have a severe level of social anxiety - I knew that before I got the results.

I have decided to finally to talk about my TWO main fears for my future...read it or not, it will make me feel much better.

Fear 1)

I am afraid that I will never get a Job, I have a passion to help people, I want to work with young people who are mentally disabled - almost like a social worker. But Who the hell wants there social worker to hardly be able to talk? I feel my only real job prospect to look forward to is stacking shelves and hiding from people who want to know where a certain product is...

Fear 2)

I am terrified I will never find a girlfriend who will be ok with my speech. I am 17 and go to college - you have no idea how many people laugh at my stutter, it's killing me. I had one potential girlfriend called Katie who got her friends to tell me "she liked me." We barely spoke she found my attractive from observing me. I avoided her like the plague after I found out she liked me, I really liked her too...but I felt she deserved a better boyfriend, someone who can order her food, someone who she can call and talk too if she needs something...Surely I am not boyfriend material?

I hate my stutter, I can say it's lost me so many chances to have succeded in so many ways. Examples being I wrote a series of short books which could have won me a publishers contract, but I had to read one of my books to an audience...I turned the offer down.

Tommorow I will starting a two week daily course to help with my stutter...will it help? I am not sure.

Why me? The question is forever in the back of my mind.

Nick

[Rkanjl]

Originally Posted by Season

Why me? The question is forever in the back of my mind.

Sure and there's a reason, you just haven't found it yet!! Perhaps you ARE meant to help others as you wish, and your own trials will only help you with that.

[ClinPsy]

Originally Posted by Season

Hello,

My name is Nick - i'm 17.

I suffer from a "severe level of stammering" according to a recent series of tests I took at one of the UK's top orginisations for stuttering.

It said that not only do I stutter very frequently but I also have a severe level of social anxiety - I knew that before I got the results.

I have decided to finally to talk about my TWO main fears for my future...read it or not, it will make me feel much better.

Fear 1)

I am afraid that I will never get a Job, I have a passion to help people, I want to work with young people who are mentally disabled - almost like a social worker. But Who the hell wants there social worker to hardly be able to talk? I feel my only real job prospect to look forward to is stacking shelves and hiding from people who want to know where a certain product is...

Fear 2)

I am terrified I will never find a girlfriend who will be ok with my speech. I am 17 and go to college - you have no idea how many people laugh at my stutter, it's killing me. I had one potential girlfriend called Katie who got her friends to tell me "she liked me." We barely spoke she found my attractive from observing me. I avoided her like the plague after I found out she liked me, I really liked her too...but I felt she deserved a better boyfriend, someone who can order her food, someone who she can call and talk too if she needs something...Surely I am not boyfriend material?

I hate my stutter, I can say it's lost me so many chances to have succeded in so many ways. Examples being I wrote a series of short books which could have won me a publishers contract, but I had to read one of my books to an audience...I turned the offer down.

Tommorow I will starting a two week daily course to help with my stutter...will it help? I am not sure.

Why me? The question is forever in the back of my mind.

Nick

"Fear 1)

I am afraid that I will never get a Job, I have a passion to help people, I want to work with young people who are mentally disabled - almost like a social worker. But Who the hell wants there social worker to hardly be able to talk? I feel my only real job prospect to look forward to is stacking shelves and hiding from people who want to know where a certain product is..."

Squash that negativity crap right now, mister!!!! I am a stutterer, and Im starting school in the Fall to become a child psychologist. Now, I do not have a severe stutter. I used to, but I received successful speech therapy. I have come a very long way, and Im ready to take the mental health word by storm. You can, too. Its not out of your reach! Remember, you need at least a Masters degree, if not a doctorate to do anything worthwhile in the mental health field; therefore, you have time on your side. I assume you are undergrad. Don't let it beat you. It really hurts me when I hear people talking like this, especially people that want to go into a helping profession. You would be a great service to children with problems, because you understand what its like to have a disability!!!

"Fear 2)

I am terrified I will never find a girlfriend who will be ok with my speech. I am 17 and go to college - you have no idea how many people laugh at my stutter, it's killing me. I had one potential girlfriend called Katie who got her friends to tell me "she liked me." We barely spoke she found my attractive from observing me. I avoided her like the plague after I found out she liked me, I really liked her too...but I felt she deserved a better boyfriend, someone who can order her food, someone who she can call and talk too if she needs something...Surely I am not boyfriend material?"

Yes, you are boyfriend material. Despite my stuttering, I get laid enough. Now I understand that people will judge you, etc. It is hard at times because people might ridicule you. All I can say is keep pushing forward, and put a lot of practice into your speech.

"I hate my stutter, I can say it's lost me so many chances to have succeded in so many ways. Examples being I wrote a series of short books which could have won me a publishers contract, but I had to read one of my books to an audience...I turned the offer down."

Sorry to hear that. Perhaps in the future. Hang in there.

"Tommorow I will starting a two week daily course to help with my stutter...will it help? I am not sure."

That is hard to answer. Everyone is different. All I can tell you is this: give it your all. What else can you do, ya know.

"Why me? The question is forever in the back of my mind."

Why anyone? Its not fair that we stutter. Its also not fair that a 5 year old child develops cancer. Its not fair that some people are born blind and deaf. Stop asking "why me!" Does it really matter? Even if you did find the answer, it wont make your stutter go away. Thus, who gives a crap "why you!!!" That's dwelling on the past. I stopped asking "why me" once I took responsibility for my actions!!

Go get 'em tiger!!

A good quote:

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

[Noel]

You can't let it control you. Getting over your fear of stuttering will probably be the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. It takes an extreme amount of patience, practice, self-confidence, and an attitude that you basically don't care anymore. You can't let it control your life. Who says the girl you like doesn't deserve you? You can't think like that.

I was in the exact same boat as you; hell I still have 2 feet in that same boat. I am barely getting over my fear right now. The saving grace is this medicine called Pagoclone which is helping me with my anxiety. You just have to be an adult about your disability. You have to learn how to just deal with stuff. Its better to talk and stutter than not talk at all. The same thing goes for talking or being with a girl. This girl could be a good thing for you and you for her. You don't know what you can offer her and look at it like this, you are being selfish by not giving yourself a chance to show how good of a person you are. You aren't sharing yourself with other people. It could be considered to be selfish to a lot of people. You said you want to help people out. Why not take that passion and spread it to others. You have to think like that. I had to figure this out the hard way and by no means am I over my fear. I still get nervous around people a lot of the times but I am learning that its good to speak to people even if you stutter. Some people just will not understand what you go through; some people will. You also have to realize that in the end, we are all equal. The same people who make fun of you have personal issues that they are probably going through. Its not going to be easy man but you have to just learn to talk a little bit everyday.

Try this out. Once a day, when you feel the urge to talk, don't let your fear of stuttering hold you back. I bet you will feel great when you actually act on chances for social interactions. I did. When I talked to a girl I really liked or I though was cute, I felt great afterwards.

I don't know if you have to take a Speech (Public Speaking) class in college but I had to. It was the hardest class I took in school. It really made me extremely nervous every time I had to go up front in front of 30 people and talk for 10 minutes. The best feeling though is when you are finished your speech and everyone applauds. It the best feeling ever.

You should tell the girl how you feel about her. The worst she can do is say she doesn't like you the same way. People just aren't very accepting of stuttering because a majority of them think that it is something that can be easily fixed, but if you think about it, its like trying to tell a man who is a paraplegic to start walking after being handicapped for 20 years. It just doesn't happen. You can tell them walk and try all you want but they won't magically start walking.

All in all, I know your pain and I will be praying for you. The best thing to do is to learn how to just talk anyway. Stutter or not. When you talk and stutter you have a voice. When you are silent you don't exist. Look at it like that.

[eva]

Hi Nick
You shouldn't be afraid that you will never get a job or other things that might or might not happen in the future. You never know what will happen. You're still so young and sound like a smart person, despite of the stutter anything can happen.

I have a passion to help people, I want to work with young people who are mentally disabled

This sounds like you also have a dream for the future, think positive!

Will this be your first time in speech therapy? Maybe you should continue going to therapy after the two weeks, I'm sure you will learn something helpful.

Why me? The question is forever in the back of my mind

I used to ask this question too a lot when I was your age. I don't anymore. Why me? Well, why not? Some things you just have to learn how to accept.

[jack]

I can understand what your saying nick, people will tell you to pull yourself together etc... but various people handle things differently.Circumstances what happen in your life can have a detrimental affect to the direction you see your life heading.

My confidence got knocked 30 years ago when my french tutor informed my parents i was using a stammer as an excuse to do crap in my french oral. As a naive first year pupil at the time i realised life was going to be an uphill struggle.

So during the past thirty years i'v tried to make the best out of a bad situation, ok i'v never fullfilled my ambitions career wise, so what - having this stutters probably made me a better person, more understanding to others.

[jak]

I know you have all these fears at 17 but usually things do turn out ,Iv had many jobs ,I have a wife and kids so you can do it also if I can .The key is "not to let yourself hold yourself back" ,example this girl may like you so you dont ask her out ,even if she says no the world wont end you just move on ,most of these fears and limits are self imposed by yourself

[Rkanjl]

Originally Posted by Noel

When you talk and stutter you have a voice. When you are silent you don't exist.

Beautifully said!

[Season]

Hello everyone,

Thank you very much for your kind comments, bar one which I reported .

I have finished my first week of a two week course to help with my Stutter at the Michael Palin Centre.

I've learnt a very good technique to help maintain my speech at a fluent level but most of all I've come home feeling SO much more confindent that I can change my thinking - actually I already have. I have started to speak much more with my friends and family, calling people up without to much concern and so on. Your comments have really made me feel welcome and understood in a way.

I am going back for the second week of the course tommorow, we are going to look at some of the emotional sides of stutter and some physical factors which I am looking forward to greatly.

I will let you know how it goes, thank you so much once again!

Nick

[vastsands]

Don't worry，Season.

I tell you stutter can be cured affirmatively.

I'm a employer.I have married.I have a lovely son.

Before 2004,I'm a very serious stutter.Now I have conquered this ill.I think you can too.

Stutter is a nervous ill.All you should do is to conquer the nervous.

[nerrad]

You know what's funny? We ALL worry about this, but just about all stutterers go on to make something of themselves in the future. I worry about the kind of life I'm gonna have all the time. I worry that I'll stutter forever and it will ruin my chance of a good career, cost me a chance at love, or just completely ruin my life. But maybe it'll all work out for me in the future. But things sure are hard now.

[jpmger]

Most people with stuttering eventually make a lot of progress with it.

I have personally found that worrying too much about the future doesn't help, but thats just me.

It helps me to live in the present (in the now) because worry can discourage me and make it harder to get better.

Hang in there!

Originally Posted by Season

Hello,

My name is Nick - i'm 17.

I suffer from a "severe level of stammering" according to a recent series of tests I took at one of the UK's top orginisations for stuttering.

It said that not only do I stutter very frequently but I also have a severe level of social anxiety - I knew that before I got the results.

I have decided to finally to talk about my TWO main fears for my future...read it or not, it will make me feel much better.

Fear 1)

I am afraid that I will never get a Job, I have a passion to help people, I want to work with young people who are mentally disabled - almost like a social worker. But Who the hell wants there social worker to hardly be able to talk? I feel my only real job prospect to look forward to is stacking shelves and hiding from people who want to know where a certain product is...

Fear 2)

I am terrified I will never find a girlfriend who will be ok with my speech. I am 17 and go to college - you have no idea how many people laugh at my stutter, it's killing me. I had one potential girlfriend called Katie who got her friends to tell me "she liked me." We barely spoke she found my attractive from observing me. I avoided her like the plague after I found out she liked me, I really liked her too...but I felt she deserved a better boyfriend, someone who can order her food, someone who she can call and talk too if she needs something...Surely I am not boyfriend material?

I hate my stutter, I can say it's lost me so many chances to have succeded in so many ways. Examples being I wrote a series of short books which could have won me a publishers contract, but I had to read one of my books to an audience...I turned the offer down.

Tommorow I will starting a two week daily course to help with my stutter...will it help? I am not sure.

Why me? The question is forever in the back of my mind.

Nick