Relationships with fast talkers

[tb1223]

This has only happened to me a handful of times, but when it does it's very frustrating.

Here's the situation: you meet someone of the opposite gender you're somewhat interested in. You hit it off pretty well, aside from the usual awkwardness created by stuttering around someone you don't know very well. After a while though, you start to notice the awkwardness isn't really wearing off. This person is a naturally fast talker, and they simply can't get over the habit. They try to slow down, they try to give you your chance to speak, but in the end it just frustrates them that you can't keep up with their rate of conversation. It's not really their fault, it's just an inborn personality trait. Eventually you realize that this relationship can never progress into something more because you simply can't ever hold a substantial conversation.

Has this ever happened to anyone else, and if so what did you do about it?

[Nemo]

Definitely a valid point - thanks for raising it. My wife is actually a fast speaker. In the beginning I found it difficult to deal with that and to resist the temptation to speed up to her tempo, but "love conquers all" and I gradually became used to it. It's not the QUANTITY of the information between individuals that counts, but the QUALITY. A message of a 100 words can also be said in 20 words if you think about what you want to say and formulate it concisely.

Also remember that LISTENING is just as important as SPEAKING, perhaps even more important.

While my wife speaks fast, I now maintain my own "safe" and slow tempo as I know that fast speech is bad for my fluency. You just have to force yourself to speak slower in spite of any pressures to speed up.

It can be done, and practice makes perfect. This also applies to other conversations, not only with girlfriends or wives. It's part of working on one's assertiveness. (PS I read a book on assertiveness training, and it really helped me to apply assertiveness principles to speech tempo.)

In the self-help groups I was in, we also practised speaking situations like this. It's called "toughening exercises" - eg. the group peppers you with questions, and you have to keep cool, apply fluency techniques and respond slowly with full sentences. I found these exercises of tremendous help.

[ForvrKate]

What does the other person's talking speed have to do with anything? Just because someone talks fast doesn't mean they won't listen when it's your turn to speak. You should rename this post "relationships with impatient listeners."

[Derek181]

yah man. I have met and socialized with some fast talking witty girls. And then when you go to say something and start struggling they look at you for a second, and then they interupt and start off on another rant. In the end you dont even get to say anything. girls like that need a guy that can keep up to them and challenge them. Maybe try talking in a firm voice and a little loud. That might get her attention and she might listen. Or if she brushes you off you simply say hey hold on a second I wasnt finished yet.

[skyblue]

what did I do? I stopped trying to build relationships...

[amey]

Originally Posted by Nemo

Definitely a valid point - thanks for raising it. My wife is actually a fast speaker. In the beginning I found it difficult to deal with that and to resist the temptation to speed up to her tempo, but "love conquers all" and I gradually became used to it. It's not the QUANTITY of the information between individuals that counts, but the QUALITY. A message of a 100 words can also be said in 20 words if you think about what you want to say and formulate it concisely.

Also remember that LISTENING is just as important as SPEAKING, perhaps even more important.

While my wife speaks fast, I now maintain my own "safe" and slow tempo as I know that fast speech is bad for my fluency. You just have to force yourself to speak slower in spite of any pressures to speed up.

It can be done, and practice makes perfect. This also applies to other conversations, not only with girlfriends or wives. It's part of working on one's assertiveness. (PS I read a book on assertiveness training, and it really helped me to apply assertiveness principles to speech tempo.)

In the self-help groups I was in, we also practised speaking situations like this. It's called "toughening exercises" - eg. the group peppers you with questions, and you have to keep cool, apply fluency techniques and respond slowly with full sentences. I found these exercises of tremendous help.

Good words Nemo!-- I need a good "toughening exercise" just to keep me on my toes!--- I read your web page and was quite moved. You have so much great information on there. It really helped me. thank you.